Confused.

Im a big pouter. I want things my way and when things arent im upset.
Ive been basiclly confused for the past 4mnths. This has been the most
off season of my life, usually when shit happends to me im able to bounce back and learn. But for some reason im not being able to connect
to the right things and what i believe in. Im self-centered. ive realized that. I often daze off and picture better things / worse things. Why caint i be happy right now? is it because im NOT in California where my love is? or Im NOT modeling? Im growing into the REAL Cam? i want to shoot myself and at the same time everyone else. My depression gets the best of me and i was never a strong person to take a bunch of feelings in and not let anything come out. The whole inhale,exhale lie is a bunch of BULLSHIT! everytime i do it ...it fails. I have temper tantrums idk how many times a week, my attitude has totally put me in (depression). I tried to cover things up and pat myself nd say "its okay, theres tomorrow" but ill be damned if tomorrow the same shit repeats! (screams) I wnat a vacation w/ the only person i want to fall in-love w/. And mentioning that makes my stomach turns, theres hills in that lovelife, im totally in a different mindset then she is. Lovers are suppose to feel the same right? im speechless..i want to speak up but my mouth is faster then my brain. i say things i dont mean..say things i shouldnt say..do things that i knw is dead wrong from the jump. and i own up to that, yeah so what..you have also! Ive faced the truth about myself. And i want her to see that i care, im human, i can be a damn good man for her and kids, family. I CANNOT and WILL NOT picture myself w/ any other lover. Shes perfect enuff. i feel like im bleeding to death inside slowly, Perfection takes time..and to know yourself is aswell. My 19yrs of living in trial and error has opened my eyes on the world and people , Including myself. People dont understand me, sometimes i dont myself. Im so emotional i love it at times but it break me down too. Only time will tell how i will turn out, how i will increase..learn and abide.

Wake-Up CALL ?

MY WAKE YO ASS UP NOTE :



May be difficult to read , but easy as hell for me My girlfriend? told me to write a list out today and i thought it was a good idea for me to expand on and to tackle so after leaving the park i rushed in and wrote down my pro's and con's on my life overall And it works ..a lil . but i still feel the same and im still stuck with the same muthafucking problems!!!! (screams) !. I know i Havent been blogging for a couple of weeks because it reminds me too much of what im going through. But i felt that it was essential tonight. A lot has popped off recently ive had my ups and downs on top of the world type of shit and crash. Well I am currently still in ATL trying to get everything back on track but it feel as if I’ve taken a different itinerary. Everyone has been hammering down on me. I can take pressure and laugh at it because your trying to test me but I haven’t been able to snap back to everyone’s judgment and more so my proceedings. Ive been on some lowkey foul ass shit and I know im wrong. Today 9/20.09 I think ive lost something ive been building on for a min now and it all crashed today. Ive lost a lot of privileges and respect from that person, and fam. Ive cried , had tempers, said my fuck you’s and still feel like shit. Im on the verge of just sticking with being egocentric and not really caring what YOU or ANYbody think or say. I felt when I had that shield it secluded my feelings and emotions. Im a poignant person and if you know me well you are aware of that, im trying to move away from that problem but it is definitely hard. Ive been trying to change for MYSELF and my “significant other” buuut, its not working. What I say would be so hard to believe and the other way around. I think in a couple of months im gonna bear in mind what im facing now and apply it to everyday living, I can write a book on just this situation because it so much to elaborate on. My parents and I connection is declining because of what I choose to do and my attitude which I can understand but my mind-set is my business and I don’t want people trying to change that about me. Me and my brothers are so-so, My bro back in Cali is very suspect to me right now I feel like everything he says to me or do is just a set-up ..like it was before I hate the “what if’s , Maybe’s and the But’s” and everytime I talk to dude those phrases appear. My mom snapped on me earlier and she decided to make me do community service for a while “( ive never done community service or a job in my life. And this is BIG! The only positive thing I can think of is going to the Boys & Girls club giving them positive advice and what to be aware of as you get older and the real world, that makes me happy to help them..but damnnn! Its all just a circle. My lovelife is now blahh, I don’t even think I have one as of now..and that’s a whole different story. Bottom line is ive got a lot of adjusting to do in little time. Shit sucks but I am gonna make things better hopefully soon…till next time. GooodNight.

PITTY THE FOOL !

Damn ive been MIA for a longass time. And i apoligize bloggers. Just busy, and been through alot hopefully ill be able to post everything and explain why. Sooo if your not following me on twitter (the new addiction 17+) http://twitter.com/CamRon_Cabrera ! You might have been noticing some strange behavior been outlandish and NOT ME. However ..it is. Dont let my looks fool you, ive been going through some tough things. And ive had people who been yelling at me and "caring" and i appreciate everything everyone is doing for me. But its MY situation and I have to FIX everything myself, and i know im the type to learn things the hard way. And i can divulge that it is true, and i dont complain for that. I really think i learn better that way. Call me crazy . but i just dont like things easy execpt LIFE! and thats NEVER easy. Ive had everyone i knew turn on me in the matter of 3 weeks. And it was unquestionably hard. Ive came to thougts ive never pondered about in my life, i was afraid i was lonely i was annoyed and hurt and most of all things..betrayed. Felt lied to felt that nobody gave a fuck about what i had to say less knowing what i had left to prove. And i bow to all the people who had to Tolerate with my wild behavior and hurtful words. It was from my heart but by all means the inteniton was JUST for them to feel where im comming from. Had long talks with all the loves in my life and everyone had a story to tell..it did made me feel that im NOT the only ONE who goes through a situation like that. But in the back of my head its like ..wthell did i do to deserve it ? made me hate myself nd others, i had to fall down on my knees and pray for GOD to open my heart and remove the situation ..atleast fasssstfowardd! but every night / morning the situation was still slapped in my face. I know i have flaws about my life..And i know everyone is not gonna agree on everything i do ..and thats coool. I dont want nor expect it. But i hate being judged from that..Alot of girls would NOT talk to me at all because they say im a PRETTYBOY! which is cool. but when you start saying how were no good blah blah blah then theres a problem. I love the way i am, and you have to respect that. I mean i do club and party sporadically and im young wthfuck you exxpect? all the adults i know of my family party'd , had sex the usual as young adults do. Just dosent make sense why people have to go 10X harder on my life i know right from wrong and im almost 20 years old i think i have common sense to do the RIGHT thing and stay far from left. Ive decided to take a 4month break from modeling..AGAIN! its getting to be out of hand the traveling, requirements , the business men the whole shabang. I dont wanna fall out of love with modeling so i try to take as many breaks indispensable and focus more on studying and enjoying life since its going by soo fassssst. Yall remember my EX ? well um , shes doing just fine..i talked to her 2 days ago and shes on the rise to fame and success . even tho i think shes already there, she was just in a new video, i forgot the rapper name btw . and we def had a long talk and everything that she was saying made sense. She arranged for me to come fly to New Jersey to come see her on her video / promo shoot. And im supportive of her and shes like a super close friend to me now , viewed as a sister. But since im on lockDOWN. here in the "A" its pretty impossible, and now i know shes gonna be on my head cus she thinks imma flake out on her..so not the case. So i gotta deal with her now , on top of trying to get my future "gf" to see that i like her very much and im not like other dudes etc. yall know the whole thing lol. Otherwise life is good, and so am i . :)

Washington KKOL - 1300 AM radio - interview with Diane Kieeth

Today i spent the day talking with Mrs. Diane Kieeth. If you stay in west seattle washington you might of heard her early in the morning on KKOL - 1300 AM radio station ? However shes a really talented , intellegent person. We was talking longer than the interview which took about an hour lol. She gave me her number and everything, we chit - chatted , talked about business and some personal things. She opened my eyes on alot of things. She couldnt do me on air because im not a " celeb " and she already had people booked , smh. but uhhh she had my nigga J.COLE in the building i met him it was def a moment for me lol. check the interview out !

WASHINGTON KKOL - 1300 RADIO INTERVIEW :

DIANE : how you got started in the business.

CAM'RON : WELL IT STARTED WHEN I WAS 10YRS OLD I WAS AND HEAVY ADDICT ON MODELING AND TAKING PICS. MY DAD WAS A MODEL/PHOTOGRAPHER AND I WOULD SEE HIM ALWAYS IMITATING A "PRETTYBOY" KINDA ACT. HE ALWAYS HAD CAMERAS , MAGAZINES AND I STARTED PICKING THEM UP AND CALL MYSELF BEING JUST LIKE THEM IN MY BEDROOM ,ALWAYS HAD A BIG EGO ESPECIALLY ABOUT MY LOOKS (laughs) AND AS I GOT OLDER IT BECAME A PART OF ME. IT WAS NO LONGER A HOBBY MORE LIKE A JOB.

DIANE: What are the current projects your working on ?

CAM'RON : IM IN THE PROCESS OF ACTUALLY STARTING A STREET TEAM. DUE TO THE FACT I DANCE AND DRAG RACE. I KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE IN MY AREA THAT ARE TRUE TALENTED PEOPLE IN THOSE AREAS SO IM CREATING A WORKPLACE TO PRACTICE , THROW SHOWS ETC. TO GET THEM NOTICED AND HELP THEM OUT. IN HE FUTURE TAKE DANCING AND RACING TO A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL. IM ALSO STARTING TO TAKE ACTING CLASS'S IN LATE SEPTEMBER. IVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO IT BUT NEVER THOUGHT THAT ILL MAKE IT. I GUESS WE WILL FIND OUT HUH ? (laughs)

DIANE : (laughs) Yeah i guess ill see you in Hollywood. What about that love life of yours? I know you got atleast some sidelines or more (laughs)

CAM'RON : WELL I REALLY DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AT THE MOMENT. I BROKE UP WITH MY EX ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO AND SINCE THEN IVE BEEN ENJOYING A SINGLE LIFE, CANT SAY THIS IS WHERE I WANNA BE 30 YRS FROM NOW. BUT AT A YOUNG AGE IM STILL LEARNING CAM'RON AND I CANT EXPECT A LADY TO COME IN AND KNOW ME AUTOMATICALLY. LOVE IS A FOUR LETTER WORD THAT PEOPLE USE SO LOOSELY THESE DAYS TILL I DONT KNOW WHO'S TELLING THE TRUTH. THINGS AREN'T LIKE THEY USE TO BE WHEN YOU TOLD A GIRL YOU LOVED THEM AND THAT ALONE MEANT SO MUCH TO THE TWO OF YOU. SO IM JUST WAITING TO MAKE A MOVE ON THE GIRL I THINK IS PERFECTION IN MY EYES.

DIANE : Thats true, So what happened to your ex exactly, or you talking to other girls ? like keeping your options open?

CAMRON: OHH GOSH. (laughs) WELL MY EX IS A FAMOUS VIDEO MODEL SHE DONE VIDEOS FOR ALOT OF HOT ARTISTS THAT ARE OUT THERE FROM RICK ROSS , THE DREAM , DJ UNK , ROMEO , PHARRELL AND OTHERS.. AND SHE WAS ALWAYS BUSY AND I WAS TO. WE WAS BARELY SEEING EACHOTHER AND WE LOST SIGHT OF WHAT WE WAS TOGETHER FOR. WHEN WE WAS TOGETHER WE WAS SO STRUNG OUT ON WHAT WE WANT IN LIFE TILL THATS ALL WE DISCUSS. DON'T GET IT TWISTED WE HAD FUN TIMES , HARD TIMES , SEX TIME LIKE ALL COUPLES BUT WE WAS MORE LIKE BUSINESS PEOPLE THAN LOVERS. IT DIDN'T WORK AFTER A WHILE I WOULD GET JEALOUS OF HER ALWAYS BEING WITH DUDES GOING OUT AT CELEBS PARTIES AND STUFF WHERE I COULDN'T TAKE IT. WE WAS TOGETHER FOR 2YRS AND ACTUALLY NEXT MONTH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN 3. BUT THINGS HAPPEN WE STILL TALK , CHILL WERE LIKE BEST FRIENDS. AND NO IM NOT TALKING TO ANYONE RIGHT NOW. I DON'T BELIEVE IN KEEPING OPTIONS OPEN, IT DOESN'T MAKE PERFECT SENSE TO ME.

DIANE : HOWS YOUR BELIFES AND RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD ?

CAM'RON: WELL BEING MIXED WITH INDIAN , DOMINICAN MY BELIEFS ARE DIFFERENT THEN MOST PEOPLE I CHILL WITH. FOR INSTINCE WHEN A MAN GETS MARRIED THE WIFE WILL NOT WORK. WE BELIEVE THAT THE MAN MUST PROVIDE FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY AND NOT JUST FOR SELF. WE PUT THE FOOD ON THE TABLE BRING HOME THAT CHEDDAR BACON (laughs) BUT THE ONLY TIME A WOMAN WORK IS WHEN SHE HAS HER OWN ESTABLISHMENT. SO MY MOTHER SPENT HER TIME GOING TO SCHOOL. WHICH IS SMART AND SHE HAS THE HIGHEST DEGREE AND IM PROUD OF HER. SHES NOW A LAWYER AND MAKE GOOD MONEY SHE GAVE ME THE MOTIVATION TO NEVER QUIT SCHOOL. MY REALATION SHIP WITH GOD IS WONDERFUL I TALK DAILY WITH HIM , PRAY TO HIM AND AND MAKE SURE THAT I LET HIM KNOW THAT MY LIFE IS IN HIS HANDS. NOW I CAINT SAY THAT IM A COMPLETE CHRISTIAN BECAUSE MENTALY IM NOT READY YET BUT I FEEL THAT HE INST RUSHING ME , HE KNOWS WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.

DIANE : Yes i understand. Who are your music influences right now?

CAM'RON : (laughs) WELL ITS DEFENITELY NOT ANYONE IN CALIFORNIA. THE MUSIC IS NOT THE BUSINESS. NO DISRESPECT BUT I JUST DONT FEEL IT. I THINK THE MOST PEOPLE I LISTEN TO NOW IS KANYE WEST , TREY SONGZ , DRAKE , TI , YOUNG JEEZY , THE DREAM , JAY-Z , J.COLE, OMARION AND A LIL MORE..THESE PEOPLE ARE TRUE MUSICIANS. THEY ACTUALLY LIVE WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT WELL I DONT KNOW ABOUT DRAKE (laughs) BUT HE GO HARD. AND YOU CANT TAKE NOTHING AWAY FROM NONE OF THESE GUYS. MUSIC ISNT THE SAME ANYMORE, WE GOT MORE MYSPACE RAPPERS THAN IN THE INDUSTRY (laughs) EVERYONE WANNA DO MUSIC AND THEY CAINT ITS SIMPLE. JUST LIKE EVERYONE CAINT MODEL OR SING. IM NOT JUDGING BUT EVERYONE CAINT EXPECT TO WIN GRAMMYS THAT SHIT IS IMPOSSIBLE. IN THE SOUTH WE TALK ABOUT GETTING ASS OUR WHIPS AND MONEY AND SELLING DOPE. IN THE NORTH WE TALK ABOUT GANGS AND BLOWING MONEY AND WHO BLOCK IS THE HARDEST. IN THE WEST WE TALK ABOUT CLOTHES, MONEY , DRUGS AND JERKING . SO IT ALL RECYCLE.

DIANE: I know your young but how do you feel about the young teens today?

CAM'RON : OH MAN, ITS SO MUCH TO DISCUSS ON THIS TOPIC. I FEEL LIKE TEENS 18 AND UNDER TRY TO BE SO MUCH LIKE THESE RAPPERS TODAY AND I DONT FAULT THE RAPPERS I FAULT THE PARENTS, RESPECT LOYALTY HONESTY ALL THAT STUFF STARTS FROM THE HOUSEHOLD THE CHILD IS RAISED UP IN. KIDS / TEENS ARE EASILY PERSUADED THERE FOLLOWERS ONE WEAR BLACK AND WHITE ALL WHERE IT. JUST TO FIT IN OR FEEL ACCEPTED OR COOL LIKE THE OTHERS NOT REALIZING THERE COOL JUST BECAUSE THERE BEING THERE SELF. PARENTS DONT HAVE "THE TALK" LIKE I USE TO RECIEVE ABOUT THE GIRLS , DRUGS ETC. SEX IS ALL TEENS FOCUS ON OR MONEY. SEX ISNT EVERYTHING NOT SAYING WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I DIDNT HAVE SEX BUT NOW I LOOK BACK AND I REALIZE WHAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN OR WHAT DAMAGE I COULD HAVE CAUSED. ITS IMPORTANT TO WAIT ITS IMPORTANT TO GET TESTED FREQUENTLY DONT LET YOUR PRIDE MAKE YOU IGNORANT AND FOOLISH PLAY SMART BE SMART. YOU DONT HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO ANYOTHER HUMAN THAN THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED MAKE YOU AND WHO TAKE CARE OF YOU. AND THATS SOMETHING I REMIND MYSELF OF EVERYDAY AND IM GRATEFUL.

it was more to this interview but she didn't post it on her site =/
hopefully she will update it..

It is what it is..

I need to blog about this, just because the simple fact that i dont feel like bringing this convo up to the person that needs to hear it..And i dont really want to discuss it with family or friends. Back to the girl that im like high over hills with..-stares-..

Yeah well i kind of gave her a hint the other day that i liked her, or wanted to take it to another level. Me personally i think that its a good time we know eachother annnd we been talking for about 6-7mnths. And i caint help the fact that i like her and i think she knows it. Shes taking advantage huh? I want to say "FUCK THAT, ITS W.E." You know the whole faze niggas say to TRY to get over a girl or the block they put on from getting b l a s t e d !!! on. Wellll i think about her more than i used to, i care for her more just everything growing with ME idk about her because she NEVER exxplains how she feels. And i know how she feels, i know that she wants a MAN, someone to make her feel complete and i want her to tell me exactlyy WHY i cannot do that? i keep asking myself these "silly" type of questions when i should know, but is it really THAT hardd to see? Am i not attractive? smh i just dont know i really just want to move on but if i do, my heart wont be into a relationship completely because ill will still think of HER and i dont really want to..Never been in a situation like this, im used to girls comming to me nd us taking it from there...so i dont really know whats the BEST path to take on this situation i dont want to front and just blow it OFFFF. I just....awl w.e it is what it is....FOR NOW.

S p a c e

I need space from everyone, I need a break a time-out. Someone to say "let him do his own thing, leave him alone" is that really asking too much? I wanted my own vacation but it is nice to be with my family, i can ensure that when October comes im going to Canada by MYSELF! I know thats a long way from here but i love it there i was there for my x-mas break with fam and it rocked! But i feel that sometimes its way overdue. I have this intense pressure that comes along every so often and i have breakdowns. Mostly every guy do, they just dont admit it. smh. l e t g o.
Soooo, (blank stare) i had a girl to ask me to explain to her what type of girl i seek for. And i quickly responded a girl that reminds me of my MOTHER! Because if you think about your mom will never hurt you, she wont turn her back on you, she wont do you dirty, she says whats real, she loves you, shes intelligent. the whole nine so to me i want a girl like my mom..not that she has to act like a old lady but to have characteristics as she. And ive have YET seen the complete package, soo ill wait..I havent been watching T.V at all lately so i caint really update on shows, movies etcc. All ive been doing is hitting the gym 10X harder,running trynna get pumped before season starts again so i can be READY!! And spending quality time with fam and living in the studio all night lol. I want to try something new, with someone new! ohhhh TREY SONGZ ALBUM "READY" is getting closer! ayyyyyyyyy (dream voice) lol. Till next time...

Another Level!

Sooo! im kinda late on blogging but atleast im posting now! Ive decided to focus more on my MAN side, than the Cam'Ron everyone is used to. I think it just fits me better and its about time i switch up my shit. Well you probaly asking "so he was never a man or sum shit" nah not that ive been a man since my Jr year in highschool ive just decided to take more responsibilities instead of hiding from them and my problems.. Starting to lean more on my "love-life" im starting to really need that! and i believe i have the right person in my life that fills that gap but im not sure, ill bring that topic up to her when the time is right, i choose to leave her name anonymous because it might change in days of time. Every july 4th, i know its independence day but i use it as a CAM'RON STEPP YA GAME UP DAY! and everyone just celebrate it with me lol since i was lil i looked at it like that and everytime after the 5th i did greater things..So im in the process of talking to some people to helping me start my own studio, cuz thats the only thing i do besides playing basketball and chillin.. Its gonna take a min but its def gonna benifit me in the long run. Im starting back my dance sessions again i miss it, dancing free's my mind its something i feel from inside out nothing like music , dancing and sexx lol and also im starting acting classes in August im exxcited about that!! i always wanted to participate in acting but modeling always took that spot lol i guess cuz im NEVER really shy. w.e. But um i was on youtube as usual lol and i was looking at Omarion NO HOMO! but i look up to this nigga like, hes tiiight! to me and i was watching him make a beat and calling soulja boy on a beat-off lol sounds funny lmao but as in making beats and umm he should make beats more often TALENT! check it out... ohh nd did i mention i have his first name as my middle name? lol thats epic!

...Well Damnn!

Well i guess ill be blogging alot since this is the ONLY shit that is hearing me out. For some reason i keep having these mood swings, like im changing i doubt it tho. Yesterday was madd fun i chilled with my brothers and parents and basically talked to my homie bri all day, just sit on the phone nd clown with eachother and listen to her pick on my accent lol its good to have ppl like that who wont get madd nd shit like there your fkn parents, ppl like that are def hard to find nowadays. -rolls eyes- BUTT i truly adored It cuz i was having a ruff ass day . especially that night, i EXPLODEDDD!!! me and my family was battling it out like crazzy They want me to move back home and im like WTFFF! when i left we agreed that when i move to California this problem will never occur. I had to literally sit for a good hour with my mom and dad screaming in my ear, i almost broke down, i love cali and i dont really want to leave. since my Jr. yr in highschool i was planning to move to here for school and basketball puposes. I dont want to move back to ATL, def not BROOKLYN! it dont even fit me anymore, i think i was made to be just where im at. Im doing good in school, im happy, i have fun here everything, other than being back home and being distracted by my old friends and groupies shxt like that, the reason why i kinda bombed my senior yr in highschool. IDGAF what they say i caint move back tho i get homesick at times but the only way i see myself branching out is only ME making the choices i make and living in cali because im talking to people who could help my career be a success. Then my "lovelife" question popped up they think the only reason i dont want to move back is because i supposively have a girlfriend which i dont...yet =/ BUTT thats not the case, i dont even see the girl i like/love. nd it is by choice it isnt like we live 5 states apart. shiiit i question my own lovelife at times but i stay strong because i think im close in finding my potential wife, yess i use that word loosely cuz every time i call a girl that something always happends... anyways, they mentioned me moving with my sis because shes going to OHIO STATE!!! im proud of her but i dont want to go there like dah fuck if i wanted to be a fkn buckeye i would have went! then im like, well my sis do need some fam there since we dont have realatives in ohio. And i have fam in cali in the bay area and long beach etcc so it isnt hard for me but FUCKK THAT! lol she better come here..We all know that cali is like completely broke now and my parents are looking at that, but the recession dosent even effect me soo that can 'X' that shxt out cuz it dosent even make sense..the whole US Is in crisis..blahh.I decided to take a nice 4mnth break in modeling which is gonna blow out a extraa $350 income every two weeks, but i needed it i was starting to get to the point where i was there physically but not mentally, nd i def dont wanna fall out of love with modeling thats a NO-GOOO! Im still thinking of UCLA! im caught up between what i want && what i need. I dont want any help i want to be able to fix all these problems out as a MAN should..
in the process im going to get this badd bxtchh!!!!

eeeYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!

2010 Dodge, Camaro

MJ THE MVP!

I wanted to wait to post about his death. I must say people are pretending to act as if Mike was there fav singer which is a lie, till a couple days ago alot of people i knew wasnt even paying attention to mike. If anything they would be talking about him or picking at what he looks like etcc. then when he dies everyone have a fkn speech to speak on with him. Mike was one of the best entertainers in the business..I recall when i was younger i use to love the jacksons especially janet i have all her old albums and some of mikes. I was on my way to the airport when i heard it on the radio. Tears came to my eyes but it wasnt like my mother just died..
It is emotional till today its still heavy on my mind..things come soo unexpected like my mom says "expect the unexpected" but nobody would think he would die so suddenly, We all going to leave this earth ready or not..the thing is...where we going? I have to get stronger with god and realize that im getting older just like YOU!! and as time ticks we have to take every second for granted..This is a wake up call the to entertainers and people period. Leave a legacy, atleast a positive effect on people around you! Live everyday as if you wont live tomorrow. Lighten up stopp taking everything seriously..Smile every chance you can, Frown less hold your head up high and walk away from the problems just like mike. In conclusion..RIP MICHAEL JACKSON! you will be forever missed. =|

yeahhhh;

FOLLOW HIM!!!
HIS POSTS ARE ACTUALLY GOOOD!
YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING ND SOME TIPS LOL

http://www.famousj.net/

TREY SONGZ; YUUUUUUP!

GIVE MY NIGGA HIS RESPECT!! NO HOMO BUT THIS NIGGA IS PAHHHPIN SINCE TREY FIRST DROP I STARTED DOWNLOADING ND BUYING HIS SHXT. PEOPLE DONT GIVE HIM THE CREDIT FOR THE THINGS HE BRINGS AND HARD WORK HE PUTS IN! LATELY HE BEEN WRITING COVERS (REMIXES TO THE ACTUAL SONG) AND MAKING THEM HIS, AND IT SOUNDS BETTER THEN THE ORIGINAL SONG!!!
THIS NIGGA FINNA BE ON SOME NEW THINGS SOON. AUG 4TH IM DEF GOING TO GET THE ALBUM AND IM GOING TO HIS CONCERT. AND TO BE HONEST I THINK HES THE HOTTEST MALE R&B SINGER OUT...THIS NIGGA RAP AND SING ON THE SAME SONG, THATS HARD. HANDS DOWN HIM AND DRAKE GOT THIS GAME ON LOCKKKK!


SOME OF HIS WEBSITES:

https://twitter.com/SongzYuuup
https://myspace.com/treysongz

nd i forgot the link to download his muzik
but you can see them all the time on..

https://digitaldripped.com


YEAHH YEAHH TAKE A LISTEN BIIIIITCH!!!!

Alternatives

Soo as of the past 4 weeks ive been stressing about switchings schools or maybe my major. I attend USC (University of Southern California). And i love it dont get it twisted USC has been my all-time fav school for a long time since 8th grade. BUT, im considering UCLA because..they have better programs. Since my parents are paying me to go to college and..paying for it, I have to deal with there LAST say so which is bullshit because they dont live in California! Soo im like wthh how would you know? Its a lil stressful even though im off for the summer. Also the basketball team is weaker than USC soo i might have to back-step a sec to re-think. I want to start my music engineer training soon... =X its not comming fast enough, i was looking at some people who has like (open-studio) where you go for sessions and learn or record YOUR choice, cuz you paying lol. Cali is BIG on music since everyone wants to do a jerking song or two, and want a catchy beat. i can easy produce that. Since i do music and sometimes create my own beats. IDK, you make plenty $$$ with that also.

In addition =O , Me and my (???) gf i guess you can say, where talking but i wouldnt really consider it as a relationship just because our heads arent together i feel like im SHAQ and shes a 5th grader (height wise!)..Like how i would say something and she wont speak up i guess because she dont want to see how i react, thats BS but you knw how girls are (rolls eyes) lol. I'm having hella doubts, like if we should take a break, Talk things over, try it again later, become friends w/ benifits. ughhhhhhhh FUCKKKKKK! iDONT know. HELP ME OUT BLOGGAS!

Charm Fools!

Oookay this season is to a whole nother level! every girl even my lil crush risky has some serious issues. last night episode was retarted. Baybaybay gave up her spot to let K O lying ass stay to try to help change her. Risky crying for no reason i guess because she said shes scared to let her feelings show? some ish like that. and they have a drunk, a criminal, a deciver, stripper X10 all in one house lmao bxtches has serious problems ESPECIALLY bubbles! haha i love her tho she makes me laugh, Shes smart she just dont really show it. I think K O want people to feel pitty for her, Risky just wants the $$$. BayBayBay just want to be seen as the GOOD ONE! Ashley- wants the $$$, and shes a asshole, Bubbles is just taking up space i have no clue what she wants or if shes ever gonna change. and Brittanya just need the $$$ in case she gets locked up lmao! Marcia just....(blank stare) she dont even know what she wants. Lala is barely there she only arrives when the action pops off lol i dont blame her. Ricki is blind AF. and that one dude that i dont care about ...yeah he just wanna have a good laugh. its funny tho i look forward to next week to see whats poppin.

My ex and I ?

I love her i do, thats very true
however its like we visted heaven and hell so many times. We made it very clear that we wont be able to be a family one day B U T, we are closer than ANY of my friends and some of my fam , she know what i think or e x a c t l y what i want to do.
she actually study my everyday habits when im going to wake up. i love her and i know she loves me its simple i care about her. We had our fights and fanticies what we going to do in 5 yrs and how we going to celebrate our 30th aniversery lol. In the end i still love her and shes still a part of me. i caint deny. Im no longer in love with her but i am in love with the way she is and how she embraces me. No other female takes that place.

Disheartened , Discontinued

Sighh..
i hate everything right now as much as i want to be happy i caint.
i feel like crying and standing in front of a car. I know
everyone have there days. Why do mines feel like years?
this entire week has been stressful AF! i caint talk to my mom
because she pissed at me, for something completely dumb. (i rather
not share) and its like she caint forgive. How do you rebuild
trust with parents. I know it takes time but they treatin ah
nigga like a step child. Im starting not to care, back to my
IDGAF about uuuuuuuu's not to be mean nore disrespectful
but i want everyone to know how i feel. Im finding myself
writing more music since the mic is about the only thing that
understands me. I feel that im finding myself through my music
Im completely confused WHO FUCKING CARES??? even tho i do, i really
dont. This shit happends soo much till i expect it sooner or later
i was watching the hills the other night and i was seeing how
Lauren was trying to get back with her bff well not really
but that was their first time really talking in a few months
and how she felt a heavy depression and made her weaken
sumwhat of what i feel like it really made me realize
that everyone has problems even reality stars lol at the end
of the day i know its just learning from mistakes and making
progress. Never ask the sorce whats wrong? ...you have to look
deeper. A car dosent know how its a car, only the Manufacturers
knows, i guess thats the way it is with god and our problems.
. i know it sounds weird but hopefully someday we will all
lettit clickkk in...till nxt time, IDGAF pff.

updates

sooo whats been new?
sOmewhat of AloT?
but i wanted to share this pic
i love it soo much its colorful and look
painted idkk it boost my confidence up a bit lol



Btww; i went skateboarding this weekend nd almost
broke my ass for a good min i thought i was doing
good till i tried to do the kick flip hahaha! shxt was
madd funny tho. Went to the studio and had a blast
for the most part just created some new beats thinking
about selling some of em but im stingy af soo most likely
HELL NAWW! haaa! im going to bed, but goodmorning tho! lol

UPGRADE!!!!

OKAY damn i havent wrote a blog in a min lol.
im sorry and i promise to continue! ive been
here and there..but not EVERYWHERE!
i was beggining to become addicted to blogging =)
Btw. i was thinking about doing video blogs or sum
I want to ask anyone who is reading this...
WHAT IS UP WITH TWITTER AND FACEBOOK?
im thinking about doing it but im not sure yet..
hate to create something then destroy it ...

Women && Relationships!

Okay. so i have alot of imput on this topic. Its real heavy on my
mind, Because i just got off the phone with a close friend of mines.
And she was telling me about her past relationships and her current
boyfriend. And to make it clear shes been through hell and back.
From Abusive relationships to, dealing with drugs for her lover.
And i respect her for that even though the drugs arent a postive
influence for her the fact is shes doing for her man &nd because
she loves him. so i caint judge. For a moment i had to step outside
myself and how i handle situations and look at it from her P.O.V
shes tight shes beautiful, shes talented thats what makes me upset
because she rather let herself down then to let him go?
I have too many questions for a woman mind. Why they think negative
of guys and then when things go wrong they compare you to previous
guys idk.
I have a lady that you can say im crushin on =) lol. btw
shes awwwsoomee! soo bomb! i call her Ms.Bombita! [dnt jocc]
lolz. Shes different she dosent throw herself at me shes not
stuck up very laid back down for anything i really like her man
and i dont wanna let it get into the way. she knows i like her
and when the time come for me to make the next move i will make
it. i dont wanna rush, not trying to scare her awayy but its just
things she needs to know. We have discussed this numerous times
and i think she knows im serious, well she admitted she likes me
more, but still think its on a friendship level. and its cool,
im not trying to wife her up in a hurry. However i dont want her
to slip away. Its tough when you try to make a move but do it at
the right time and a proper way. These days niggas dont care how
they approach you or make a impression. I wanna do it in a unique
way or style, In a different saying and meaning. ya know
switch the game up lol. she has me going i can admit and im starting
to get ah lil addicted lol. but haay shes worth it.
she Knows who she is ily Brii =)

Assumptions;

I hate when people assume things.
for the past Week or so my friends,
parents, teachers, manager been
assuming my life and wtf i should do
i appreciate there love and support
but just it isnt need at this time
everyone knows what Cam'Ron needs to do
but what gets me is they assume imma
fail at it or not going to be able to
complete whatever it is i have set in
plan. smh. Like i was thinking about
another major like photography since
im always buying magazines and lookin
at websites of pics etcc. And besides
im used to the camera anyways. Suddenly
ppl started making judgements [thats gay,
you wont make $$. thats not a good career]
WTF!! shit makes me pissed. like i dont
need them to tell me whats good or not
i just need them to be supportive. or
dont say shit at all. Now that they got
my head blowed up of the silly things they
say im second thinking of what i might
change it too. i have a list of things i like

1. Business Management.
2. Advertising./ marketing
3. RealEstate.
4. Lawyer/ law Enforcement.
5. Video/Music producer

thats just some of the intrests. idk
i have no clue im loosing it..

Slacked!

I feel bad.
i havent been blogggin lately soo imma
spend ah while updating you on whats
been poppin wit me and its quite a bit
i can say...

WTF; Bowwow vs. Soulja Boy

Ummmm; what the hell?

These niggas are young wtf they know about beef?
neither one of em hot and poppin soo how about
they chill and make a callabo and sell some records
sit and chill..spend that $$$ they trynna hold lol
recently soulja boy said somethin dirty about nas
And bowwow desides to take up for nas..sooooo
he makes a diss record and soulja boy said
"bowow your career is over" LMAO. well
soulja boy's never started...i havent liked that
nigga since..never. he make music for 13yr olds
lol; listen to his lyrics they never make sense
and its never discussing anything smhh.


Bowwow- okay bowwow has a lil credit cuz he been
in the game for a min..but ppl ony like him cuz of
his looks, NOT. of music..nigga lame too! lmaoo
wtf iz a marco polo? idk but i think this shit
iz maddd dumb. do money make you dumb?

Life Itself.

I dont know where to start. its like...
im stuck on this rollercoaster i swear.
while i was in New York recently.
I was confronted about my race from
several ppl. first let me say im cool
with Everyone. im not racist and i dont
judge people from skin to looks etcc.
well...this lade that model with me
decides to call me out on my race
in front of everyone! She assumes
that im Puerto Rican, not that being
puerto rican is bad but she made it
seem like because of my race i shouldnt
be modeling! OMG.


Im Black, Indian, Italian and Dominican!
nooo where puerto rican btw she looks
at me like im hurting or waddever?
which mad me upset like WTF does my race
has to do with you? smhh; Later my
brother calls, okay back home [ATL]
i have a studio at my parents house...
which i left in charqe for my bro's to
take over..well he decides to sell
some of the things that I bought with
my own $$$! i was ULTRA pissed like
how the fuck can you sell something
you didnt buy? idkk i swearr...
somethin told me to go ahead and
pack my things with me.


Meanwhile; im dealing with this
friend situation..i have a homie
that is l a z y; to the MAXX.
he dosent do shit period! hes NOT in school
dosent have a job..and just barely a place
to lay his head..what kind of man is that?
muhfukka iz 21 years old. soo me beinq
supportive i help him out..tries to get
him a job etcc. but he have the nerve to
tell me im greedy and im all for myself.
i felt like knockin his ass out but.....
i decide to let it slidee..hes really
annoying me now to the point where hes
not even considered a friend of mines.

BTW ITS MORE' IM SLEEPY lol goodnite!

Chris Brown The Womanbeater!

MEGGA RESPECT LOSS!!!

smhh this nigga had the nerve to hit rihanna, its soo sadd.
how can you hit a woman on purpose? isnt like he didnt
or they was playing and he just hit her a lil to hardd..
i ALWAYS said that chris wanna be a lil gansta or like
the rest. since run it frm wayy back wen..

Now to be honest i was a HUGE fan of cbreezy because
i danced off his music and it was clean..
but im not supporting this lil nigga anymore
i hate women beaters and thats exactly what he is
shit is NOT cool.

As for rihanna my heart goes out for her, now niggas
gonna be like "ohh she got her ass beat" like they
talking now..i know shes heartbroken and disgusted
with Chris i would be too! they were my little cute
couple because i liked dem both [no homo]

Hopefully chris straighen up his act and regain
his trust, respect, errthang that he wasted the
past 5-6yrs on just for hitting one of the
most famous women that he was blessed to have..

I WAS SOOO TERRIFIED! when i saw this on the news
cuz i knew they was suppose to be at the grammys
but rihanna & chris not at a award show? i then
knew something was wrong i was like awwl they
prolly at a hotel down the street making out LMAO!

smhh niggas like him make it hardd for niggas like
me lmao!

|DGAF.

--Thats my new fav word lol, ive been using it like madd.
idk, im back on pubertty, errbody been gettin on my
nerves lately, im becoming self-centered again =)
lol i wish i did care but really i dont. My sis
called me today with a list of her problems...
little do she know i had her on mute the whole time
LMAO! i had to ask for forgiveness but at that time
i really didnt care. I failed my exam! dont care
about that either lol thats like my first since late
senior year.

Andd some of my friends from wayy back when,....
we was lil runts hit me up last night, i can
admit it did put a smile on my face=)
it was good to catch up, hear them bragg and
boost about there "life" it was good to hear
them, but i really didnt care lol.


Soooooo, the bullshxt starts,,
i use to have this crush back in late 08'
i say around August or so, and i really liked
her HELLA much, to badd she didnt i really
feel something still between, its just not
connecting to HER. i mean i wanna try,
i wanna ask..i wanna push myself towards
asking, but errtime i think i can do it
try to type it or call..its HARD! idk
i make it seem like im not intrested in her
like shes ONLY a homie but damnn how do
resist? soo i just stopp talking lol
and just say hey and how your doing..
cuz if i just continue to talk i know
imma ask the question at the wrong time..
like i always do=| All Bad....


THE GOOD PART!!!

Im going to spring bling 09!
its gonna be live. all of my ace's going
ALL OF EM! girls and niggas lol my dad
is renting us 3 condo's to chill in
and im going to miami beach for the whole
week! im soo happy, hopefully i can meet my
crush's!!!

1.BEYONCE'
2.TRINA
3.CIARA.
4.KERI HILSON.
5.ALICIA KEYS.
6.KEYSHIA COLE.
7.CHRISTINA MILIAN.
8.NICOLE (pussy cat dolls)
9.RIHANNA.
10.SHONTELLE.
11.CASSIE
12.KIM KARDASHIAN.

if i meet these bomb bitches ill be just fine!
lmao i dont think nobody can fuck with my top!

A night of ponder;

You ever lay in the bed at niqht and caint sleep?
Just wonderinq why someone isnt layinq nxt to you?
or why you arent on the phone with the one you want?
im always doing that lol; its been on my mind alot
lately..and im finnallly settin aside the bullshxt
and takinq more responsiblities of my actions..
everyone says i love women which is true..what man dont?
but the fact that ppl dont realize is that Cam gets
frustrated with women. hmm ive had about 4 diff. girls
in about 8mnths thats a shame! i NEVERR jumped to these
many girls because usually its all about...

Looks; Money; Fame; or what you got!
i have my own shxt i dont need a woman for that...
i guess what im lookinq for is someone to fill
the empty space that I want. i caint stress it enuff
how angry i get about this..i would wake up and be
pissed! not that i dont have any girls i caint hit up
cuz my contact list hella longg lol but damnnn
do they REALLY love cam like they say they do??
or is it all games and fun?


What i really hate is when i see girls even my
good friends..get treated soo badd but threw
it all they stay! and i need someone like that
not to put up with my bullshxt cuz i wouldnt either
visa versa. but likee...damnn imma soon be 20!
and i wanna good relationship with a nice young
lady to be established..she dont have to have
the beyonce body and the tyra banks looks!
not all women are made to look or fit like that!

Its alll about the inner side! that glows..
Even tho im quit aware of my looks thats all
ppl judge me by..first thing comes out there mouth..
" Boy you sexy how many girls you pullin"

That seriously bothers me! bcuss im no player,
no goon/goblin. macker nore caker so wtf.
even tho it increase my confidence and yess make
me cocky lol at the end of the day....
my confidence and cockyness got me no where...
i dont wanna give up on love because i have
a feeling theres someone feeling the way i feel
or tired of shitty relationships..

Takinq it one day at a time with some ice cream lol.

Im soooo spoiled....=)

YOOOOO! its been 4EVERRR since i wanted
this mtfkn car! and im qettinq it sundayy
babyyy!! yess ohh yess the LEXUS ES 09'
that bxtch is ultra badd! me and my boo went to test
drive it today!! i had to skipp school for this ish
lol; Well if you want a car around this time is
the perfect time because of the economy and a car
isnt ppl first option anymore this is my babyyy!
but my charqer is for sale now! if you want one
get at me its only 1yr old. got it for my
qraduation present! its also on Ebay...

it comes with....

*all power windows; automatic
* 22's rims dubb's
* outside paint jobb; glitter black
* tinted windows
*4 door
* 35,000 miles
*infinity speakers


I WILL POST PIXXS TODAY!

But for now check my bby outt!!!

Sovereignty;

--uqhh; DAMN. im odee focused..
ive been too stressed out lately its too
many thinqs i wanna do, tryna do, and actually doinq.
hmm like i Model,Play sports, work-out, && attend school
like damn who do all this shxt so younqq?


It miqht not sound like alot of work but it iz.
Colleqe can be too complexxed and model ughh
is a pain errbody think its all posinq and walkin straiqht lol
but the travelinq!! im barely home anymore; always on a plane..
like damn im suppose to be enjoyinq this time especially in my life
and all i been doinq is work; like riqht after x-mas i had to
hurry on a fuckin plane..when i just wanted to spend time with
my fam i was ultraa pissed by that..and all my manager said was.
"Suck it up" WTF. somethinq to tell one of your head models smhh
i now understand what tyra said..."Model is work,,its more than
flashy liqhts and beautiful make-up its about brinqinq your inside
OUT. and staiqhnin your inner force!"

I approached my mom abt it last niqht and all
she could tell me is that its makinq me become a man
and grow and be independent like WTF i been that lolx
but then i caint complain bcuzz i qet paid 3X what sum
ppl my aqe qet in 2mnths! not braqqinq but thats bomb!
lol.

But honestly i feel like im overworkinq...
BUT I LOVE IT! i need pressure i need someone to stay
on topp of my ass. Im thinkinq abt chanqinq my major now..
maybe like some advertisements or photography???
idkk my head is up in the air. dont wanna gone astray
of what i really qoinq to colleqe for.. but like shxt
i been modelinq, and studyinq fashion ALL my lifee..
kinda wanna do somethinq diverse && enterprising!

I want to qo to New York for a while cuz of the
prospect of many thinqs..idk Cali iz cool but
still idk?? i found some ppl who can help me
proqress but damn only soo much they can help me with
by me not havinq the deqree it takes to be on the
level i want to be...

I think imma have to take ah step back and just
let thinqs work out on there own && just pray?
cuz this shxt is stressful lol its like NOT
havinq any food for several dayzz =/ [random] lol.

Empowered;

Mannnnnnnn; ive seen alot today that made me
realize how blessed i am! Okayy so me and my
friend josh was ridinq in my car jusx chillin...

And we saw these two homeless ppl that was on
the side of the road and they only had a pair of..
paints on they was sooo dirty it was a shame
And many ppl would just ride by them and wouldnt
even speak so me and josh was lookin like WTF?

How can all these ppl see these homeless ppl need
help and disregard them? So me beinq the GOOD
person that i am we pulled over and qave the two
younq men $15.00 a piece to qet their qrubb on! lolx
and guess what? We even qot them to sit by some hotties!
lmaoo; at mtfkn burqer kinq hell yeahh mane! they loved it

Overall i felt blessed that i can be able to qive instead of to beqq.
i often take what i have in life for qranted wishinq i wouldnt
but now its like WOW im really spoiled lol not somethinq i should
continue to subsist! But it made me realize that we should always
work hardd in EVERYTHING we do instead of qivinq our 50/100
effort so we WONT end up like the two homeless men i met todayy!

Also i was watchinq the gospel channel Yes imma christian lol
and i saw these children in africa the commercial and i came to tears
i wish i could send some [$$$] to them but alot of ppl say that them
poor kids dont recieve the [$$$] so im like shxt im not abt to waste
my hard earninq [$$$] on the qovernment smhh- they already takinq
away frm us.pshh the hell with that lol but anywayyss i thouqht you should
see the video its kinda sadd = God bless them. kinda made me think,....
America aint that badd after all lolx.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grnrx7JeDhg&feature=related