May be difficult to read , but easy as hell for me My girlfriend? told me to write a list out today and i thought it was a good idea for me to expand on and to tackle so after leaving the park i rushed in and wrote down my pro's and con's on my life overall And it works ..a lil . but i still feel the same and im still stuck with the same muthafucking problems!!!! (screams) !. I know i Havent been blogging for a couple of weeks because it reminds me too much of what im going through. But i felt that it was essential tonight. A lot has popped off recently ive had my ups and downs on top of the world type of shit and crash. Well I am currently still in ATL trying to get everything back on track but it feel as if I’ve taken a different itinerary. Everyone has been hammering down on me. I can take pressure and laugh at it because your trying to test me but I haven’t been able to snap back to everyone’s judgment and more so my proceedings. Ive been on some lowkey foul ass shit and I know im wrong. Today 9/20.09 I think ive lost something ive been building on for a min now and it all crashed today. Ive lost a lot of privileges and respect from that person, and fam. Ive cried , had tempers, said my fuck you’s and still feel like shit. Im on the verge of just sticking with being egocentric and not really caring what YOU or ANYbody think or say. I felt when I had that shield it secluded my feelings and emotions. Im a poignant person and if you know me well you are aware of that, im trying to move away from that problem but it is definitely hard. Ive been trying to change for MYSELF and my “significant other” buuut, its not working. What I say would be so hard to believe and the other way around. I think in a couple of months im gonna bear in mind what im facing now and apply it to everyday living, I can write a book on just this situation because it so much to elaborate on. My parents and I connection is declining because of what I choose to do and my attitude which I can understand but my mind-set is my business and I don’t want people trying to change that about me. Me and my brothers are so-so, My bro back in Cali is very suspect to me right now I feel like everything he says to me or do is just a set-up ..like it was before I hate the “what if’s , Maybe’s and the But’s” and everytime I talk to dude those phrases appear. My mom snapped on me earlier and she decided to make me do community service for a while “( ive never done community service or a job in my life. And this is BIG! The only positive thing I can think of is going to the Boys & Girls club giving them positive advice and what to be aware of as you get older and the real world, that makes me happy to help them..but damnnn! Its all just a circle. My lovelife is now blahh, I don’t even think I have one as of now..and that’s a whole different story. Bottom line is ive got a lot of adjusting to do in little time. Shit sucks but I am gonna make things better hopefully soon…till next time. GooodNight.
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